Σπιτάκι

Το επόμενο post είναι στα Αγγλικά. Τα ‘πνευματικά δικαιώματα’ ανήκουν σε μια φίλη μου στο γραφείο. Νομίζω θα σας κάνει να γελάσετε, θα σας φτιάξει την διάθεση… (και θα φύγουμε επιτέλους και από το θέμα του Zidane!)

Hi guys… ok, here’s a parody on the ‘getting to know you experience’… we were kind of discussing get to know you questions a while back… and you know what… the get to know you part, especially on a first date, sometimes becomes so tedious… you never know what to say especially if they don’t give you much to work with and kind of sit there staring at you like a zombie starfish.

So… being the masterful procrastinator I am… I kind of came up with the best get to know you questions ever… so amazing you should print them out and take them out one tuesday for speed dating and see if you can beat the world record for repulsing man/woman… In order to really understand them… Imagine you’ve just had 5 cafe mochas and a 12 pack of red bull and you’re so amped you’re like speaking so fast it’s almost like you’re on cracked out speed… Take a deep breath and read this all to yourself in that one single breath… You need to read it so fast in such a way as to baffle your listener and not give them any chance of answering the absurdities aimed at them…

Do you live to discover and do new things or do you prefer to live vicariously through your more adventurous friends? Are you a take charge kind of person or are you more of an indecisive flake? Do you have a warped sense of humor/reality, ie do you live in sur-reality? If so, can I come join you there too? Do you like art? If so, who’s your favorite artist and would you re-consider re-aligning your taste in art if they do not coincide with mine? Same question just replace the word “art” with the word “music”? Can you perform basic operations on non-positive numbers? Do imaginary numbers scare you? What was it like growing up as a non-native American English speaker? If you are a native american english speaker, are you related to Pocahantas? Do you think your way or feel your way through life? If so, how so, and why so, and where so? If you feel your way through life, what does it feel like? If you were an ice cream flavor, what would it be? Would you be 99% fat free, non-fat,…or better yet…if you were milk would you be 2%, whole, or skim? Do you even like milk? (then add…while nodding your head in a sad confused way…”Yeah, I’m allergic to milk…”)

Are you proactive about your sex life? If so, how many partners have you had in the last 45 minutes or how many partners would you have had, had you been proactive 45 minutes ago? If you were in prison…Have you ever been in prison?…if so, for what, but regardless if you were in prison how
many days do you think you could spend in solitary confinement before you start making up imaginary friends…? Do you have any existing imaginary friends? If so, do they live with you or elsewhere in some imaginary place where they count with imaginary numbers?

What’s the most successful pickup line that’s worked on a telemarketer or Jehovah’s witness? Do you believe in time and space…things that take up space and waste your time? Do you believe in a higher force out there that grounds us all in reason…kind of like gravity…but not? Do you think it’s
male or female, good or bad, bald or hairy…If so, do you think this higher force prefers basketball to baseball or football to futbol? I like Cheese sandwiches, do you like your cheese sandwiches…Do you like them with cheese or without?

How do you like your hot dogs? What’s your favorite Indian beer? ? IF I were a pussy cat doll, what would be my stage nickname and how long will it take for them to let me go because they’ve realized I’m a no talent ass clown? Is there life after Seinfeld?

Αυτά για σήμερα… :)